Dream, February 23-24, 1904

Written down in the morning, upon waking up (not the courage to write them down at night, in daydreams; the idea of ​​writing them down comes "like another idea, without being associated with a fairly complex system". The dreams were clearer than usual and I remember them more easily. The night was also bad... I had a violent sore throat and a little fever).

First a dream where Eulalie appeared to me, I don't know under what circumstances, in her undress (in pants). She gets on my bed, quite large, in obscene positions.

I am now going to see the Grenets. I go up the floors of a house which seems rather sad to me. I knock on the door and the children come to open the door (at no time would I dream of calling them A. or M. Only the name Grenet is very present in my mind). The little girls lead me; we cross corridors, two or three dark rooms (like a small Parisian apartment). Then I was taken to a larger room (which reminded me, I think, of the silkworm rooms in silkworm factories). In a bed that I first see, to the left of the door, R. D. is lying. He looks sick and seems like he's trying to sleep. However, he laboriously cuts some potatoes that he has next to him into small circles with a penknife. I turn away a little so as not to disturb him. He looks unwell, he is breathing heavily. Further away, in another bed, it is L. who is lying. She seems less ill than her husband, but she has a fever and seems very hot. She also cuts potatoes into very thin slices, diligently. I talk to him a little; she points to R. and asks me to go into the next room. Since I entered, I have had a feeling that is quite painful but could be even more so. I go out again with the little girls and we go into the next room. It's an attic, lit from above. We then also start cutting the potatoes into thin slices. Then I court A. G. I speak to him very quietly, I don't remember exactly what.

(A few other dreams and daydreams also followed more or less on the same subject). I become bolder with A. and I remember kissing her on the lips. I should write, with my lips (?) about I don't know what. A. points out to me that I write badly. Whereupon I tell him that on lips I would write much better and I try to show him that. This word seems extremely spiritual to me. In another dream that I remember very poorly, I am still walking with A. in Pontchartrain, in the woods.

Visual images

They are bad. At no time do I clearly see the face of A., of which I remember little. The living rooms on the other hand, the rooms appear quite clearly to me in the parts that interest me (the others are completely forgotten).

Reasoning

I hardly find any. I am leaving because R. is ill, without finding a reason for this action, there is perhaps the reasoning of the writing (on the lips) — but can we call it reasoning?

Explanations

Theoretically, it would obviously be possible to reduce the dream to a few ideas linked together. Idea of ​​illness, of the bed where the sick are, of the bed where love is made, of love. But practically this explanation could not explain anything to me and the reality is quite different.
The evening before: two dominant feelings: concern about being ill and feelings of more or less love, greater ease in words, gentleness, friendliness. These two feelings also seem to be reflected in the dream. Together, they gave birth to the idea of ​​the bed. However, in the dream itself, the idea of ​​illness dominates, and in reverie that of love. At no time would I believe I was sick myself.
R. D. is a doctor, it is therefore quite natural that I thought of him. On the other hand, all the secondary characters who should, in reality, have appeared to me (the father and mother of A. and M. Grenet, their maid, their little brothers, Ch. and J. Dumas, etc.) do not appear. I even think I noticed in my dream that it was very strange that R. D. and L. were the parents of A. and M.. Besides, I hardly think about proper names.
Thus, when in a dream there is an obvious confusion of people, perhaps we should see there a manifestation of finality (small use of certain given people - id. madness), of too hasty harmony. Thus, I cannot find anything in my dreams that is not linked to a central impression. The finality of the mind, left to itself in the dream, thus becomes much more considerable. And nothing is more false than to imagine the dream as a banal succession of ideas. Rather, we could say it of reality - but the finality of the dream also remains incomplete and this is what demeans it.
What role do cut-up potatoes play? Perhaps they are still linked to my illness. Yesterday morning, I was allowed to eat potatoes cut into very thin slices. Then at the evening meal I was forbidden to eat potatoes in larger pieces, which struck me. Hence this impression, no doubt, that the very thin slices were good for the disease.
As for A., ​​it was natural for me to think about it right away. These days I was preoccupied with seeing her again and for some time I had been thinking about her quite a bit.
(Note that the potatoes present themselves in visual impressions and not in taste, as would have been natural).

(Continuation of the dream)

I am vaguely concerned about having to give a speech tomorrow to the “student republicans”. I don't think much about it. Then I open a newspaper and find the program of the E.U.R. conference. It must be the time of some sort of celebration, Christmas, perhaps. And the program, I realize with joy, is very busy. There will be a lecture by a man named Trilley (?) who is very cheerful and will speak for a long time (text. in the newspaper). Then discussion of the agenda. Immediately the thought comes to mind that I will have very little to say and that no one will listen to me. This idea gives me great relief, and makes me happy.
Then, imperceptibly, I find myself transported to the meeting, little by little. And in fact, we are very cheerful, very lively (infinitely more than we ever were in reality). Chairs flying in the air. Bottles that we uncork. Bonfires, (in a room undoubtedly much larger than that of the Association). I don't remember giving a real speech.

Visual images

They are very clear at the end. I don't know why. Very clear view of the room, with the chairs being passed from hand to hand and, in the background, something shiny.

Reasoning

here, the case is very clear. The starting point of the dream is found in a concern actually experienced, in the waking state. And this concern is very clearly corrected by the dream. The reasoning, on the other hand, is correct (no doubt no one will think of listening to me). The elements of the dream are very harmonized with each other.
Nothing would allow me to suppose such a party at the Republican Students' premises. The case has never arisen and probably never will arise. There was an invention of the whole end of the dream and a completely gratuitous invention. In a normal state, I would have taken into account a host of conditions and the satisfaction given to the concern could never have been accomplished so easily. Harmony encountering more obstacles to establish itself.